Possibly
not in the best states of mind right now. Has a few odd and confusing days. Where
the optimism of what was Friday turned into the realism of the weekend much is
now plaguing my mind. Why cant I just escape these thought that bug me, I know
they shouldn’t, or should they. Even the rational parts don’t know, and the
paranoid starts to chime in.
I
mean I could try and combat, but still the thoughts that plague would hinder
that. Sure I could detach more, but wasn’t that the point, I do that too much. I
thought I have come a long way, now only to find the road is still much longer.
Oh well, a day at a time, although how else are you meant to take life…
Take my
love. Take my land.
Take me where I cannot stand.
I don't care, I'm still free.
You can't take the sky from me.
Take me out to the black.
Tell 'em I ain't comin' back.
Burn the land and boil the sea.
You can't take the sky from me.
Have no place I can be since I found Serenity.
But you can't take the sky from me.
So have recently moved out and been trying to get the internet. Sure I
would get it from GLaDOS at a surely reduced price but we have chosen
to go with Sky. So I phoned them up at the start, chose the TV package
I wanted, the phone line and the Broadband package. The installations
man came along and put in the TV that was all good and then I set up a
date for the BT engineer to come and check/install the phone line. When
he turned up he didn’t knock on the door loud enough or at all and so
left. The next day I was going to ring they back up to reorganise a
visit from a Data Field Maintenance Officer when the phone rang. Now
for a phone that no one came out to do anything to this shouldn’t
happen. I assumed that the work had been done locally at the exchange
as the physical line was always there; it was just missing the logical.
Unfortunately the handset didn’t have any batteries in it, so once
removed from the cradle the line went dead. After putting batteries in
the phone I found out it was a BT number, the line check perhaps. So
I phone them back up not to arrange a Engineer but to tell them not to
bother as its working and I would like the internet finally. But no,
their system didn’t say it worked. Although I am sure the fact that I
am using the phone to ring them telling them that it is working is
enough. So I arranged the guy to come out on the 4th of August and all
things looked to be good. On the front door a sign saying ring this
number if doorbell doesn’t work, the irony of the ring the landline as
you’re here to install it I hoped wasn’t lost upon him. He didn’t
turn up, nor did he on the 5th, I only waited this long as the woman on
the phone also said the 5th as a possible day and with their current
track record, she may have messed up. But no, not on the 5th either…
its now time to ring them. First I get told I never booked it for the
4th, or the 5th. But they do have a record of me phoning them, but why
would I phone them and be told to book a new appointment, but not do
it. She couldn’t understand this, much like how I couldn’t understand a
lot of what she said. After asking me five times if I wanted to keep my
number, then telling me cause I didn’t book another appointment (I did)
my account had been cancelled. Apparently they rang me on the 2nd (they
didn’t) to tell me they were cancelling it. So I told her I still
wanted it, and to book another visit. I’d have to wait 14days according
to this woman, until her next problem arose. Apparently my account was
having some problems; she couldn’t get it to work. Neither could the
person sitting next to her, and so it’s now off to the account support
people, so I thought. I get sent somewhere, I don’t know where and
when I get there they don’t know why I am there. It’s the wrong
department! She then says she well send me to the right place, I make
sure she is sending me direct to the person; I don’t want any IVR to go
through. I am now on the phone to a Scottish lady, the first
person I can understand clearly. I explain why I was there, a story
that took quiet a while to tell as typing this out has shown me now.
She was then, helpful. I almost dropt the phone. I then said about how
I was using the phone that apparently don’t work, she laughed at this
and said that the work was probably done locally at the exchange,
something I seem to remember saying and having Sky tell me I was wrong.
In short this lady wrote on the BT system that my phone was working and
for BT to change their system to show this. She was then going to check
it every day until it was corrected and phone me when this happens, it
will be at this point that I can order my internet. So for almost a
month and a half of trying, that would have had another two weeks on
it, its now been reduced to at most 5 days…
Cant help but wonder how when the countries biggest communications company cant even allow its staff to communicate between one another, how do they really keep the country going. Good think all my work cant be don’t anyway cause if Sean Gallon actually did have the stock I needed I would messaging him right now to get it, seeing as he wont ever answer his phone. But due to the genius that is meebo.com I am still alive and communicating with some other BT people, for now…
Later tonight I will be getting on with the first of I hope not too many business meeting about Binarycore. Scott has found that dedicated servers want you to pay 3 months in advance and we do need one as his computer will not be able to handle more than 50 people on it at once. And with the cross advertising with Alex and his Runescape server I can see that more than 50 people will be turning up. Making a splash page with Google adds then we can get some base money for the 3 month advance, and when the server is up and running the donations and subscriptions if people want to will keep it going.
This is the closest Scott and I have got to making a perfect Mir Server and actually making some money of it. Creating the Binarycore forums was a brilliant idea that Dave and I came up with and I can see this being the start of something epic. Starting as another side project, then becoming the base hub for all mine and Daves projects, to now moving into Game Server Hosting and the Hub for so many projects. Game Servers, The Code Cache, App A Week, Zombie Film Project, The Normal Chatting On Forums and who knows what next.
Later Days…
(Tha Producer) I'm holding on so tightly now, my insides scream so loud They can watching, watching me drowned, how did it come to this
(J-Dog) How did it come to this, how did i know it was you it was a bad dream, asphyxiated watch me bleed the life support was cut , the knot was too tight, they push and pull but they know they'll never win
(Tha Producer and Johnny3Tears)
throw it all away throw it all away I keep on screaming but there’s really nothing left to say So get away, just get away I keep on fighting but i can't keep going on like this
(Tha Producer) I can't keep going, can't keep going on like this, they make me sick, and i get so sick of it, cause they wont let me, they wont let me breath, why can't they let me be, (J-Dog)
Why can't they let me be, why don’t i know what i am, i force this hate into my heart cause its my only friend, my lips are sewn shut, i watch my self bleed, they push and pull and its killing me within
(Tha Producer and Johnny3Tears)
throw it all away throw it all away I keep on screaming but there’s really nothing left to say So get away, just get away I keep on fighting but i can't keep going on like this
(Tha Producer)
I can't keep going, can't keep going on this way I can't keep going, can't keep going on this way
(Johnny3tears)
My heart beat stumbles and my back bone crumbles I feel is it real as the lynch mob doubles they want blood and they'll kill for it, drain me and they'll kneel for it burn me at the stake met the devil made the deal for it, guillotine dreams ya they're guillotine gleams, the blood of they're enemies watching while they sense me, sentencing decease sentence decease and watch them bask in the glory of their holy disease
(Tha Producer and Johnny3Tears)
throw it all away throw it all away I keep on screaming but there’s really nothing left to say So get away, just get away I keep on fighting but i can't keep going on like this
(Tha Producer) I keep on running, I keep on running, But I can't keep going on this way
I would never have thought that Mir would ever make me ill. I mean I have gone from a Friday night till Monday morning back on Euro just in LDC. But for this is the scripting side of it that is making me feel this way. I am good at scripting NPC's, it's just that getting it to do exactly what I want to if really annoying and does cause headaches. But what else is there to do when you've got nothing to do and just waiting for a conference call.
It's come to light that I really do have a few projects going on at the moment. There used to be a time where I had lots started but not really going anywhere. Things such as the band, the server, the blogging… well we all know this is going somewhere. Well I am getting back into the blargosphere, yes I know something I have said before, but I am really going to make a go at it. Over the next few weeks I am going to have stuff to talk about which will force me into back into the habit.
The Mir Server, not named Isolation Mir 2.3 is getting well underway. It was even live for a point, but as people were able to do in a day what we wanted to take a month, we had to shut it down. Doubling the amount of EXP needed and doubling how rare the items are should take care of this problem. Also I have been going made with the NPC quest writing while Scott has gone made with item adding/editing/creating, and the same with the mobs. Also thanks to Ryan for some maps.
I have also started a Forum with Dave that is going to be a general chatting area with some specific parts to it. This came about due to the fact we would both make excellent Admins for a forum, just like how I was with the Bushey Hall Forum that till this day people don't know it was me who ran that. Was much better than Mouth2Mouth, as I actually moderated it. All the forum needs is advertising and then the community will come rushing back.
Dave also informed me of a Zombie Film Project he is starting in Wales; I joined the group and now am in charge of the filming at the Watford Location. This is something I am very looking forward to starting. I have informed two people so far of some details, these are people I know will want to be involved and who I know can get the people we will need for the creation of it. All I need now is some guidelines from Cardiff to what they want from us, and then we will get on over the summer with the filming of the Zombie Outbreak.
I cant believe I am this close to moving out, this is something I am so excited about. Moving in with Siege, Tony, Matt and Mike will be such a laugh. Only 23 days until I move out, and five of those I am in Donnington for Download. Download is also going to be so amazing, a chance to get away and just embrace myself in music, which is much like this Friday. Once I get work out of the way on Friday I am off to a Silverstein gig with Hollywood Undead then to Voodoo for the Metal Club scene, gotta love it.
So much going on in such a little time, this summer is going to be a good one. Or at least really interesting, so I can't wait to see how things unfold. Also its almost been half a year with Lauren. I know wow…
Please Be Advised That A Noticable Taste Of Blood Is Not Part Of Any Test Protocol...
Listening To: Oasis –
Amanda Palmer
I
get that Sunnydale is a really bad place, but how can you seriously walk around
in the middle of the day and not get stopped for branding a bronze sword or a
battle axe. I have seen people in Watford get stopped for walking slightly
weird...
The
past month has been, and I know this may look like a typo, really great. Ok so I
don’t know what a typo of but still I am as surprised as most people. So I have
met this girl, Lauren, she is amazing, and herein lies why the past month has
been great. Sure there things in the month that not been so great but in all
because of this girl all is tip top.
So
after bitching and whining about how I didn’t want to go to Uni as I didn’t want
to be in debt, we are almost at the point where I am going to go to Uni. Yes
that is right, next week I am off to Uni, one that is being paid for by the
good people of British Telecommunication. I know what you’re thinking and yes
Dave GLaDOS is acting oddly nice. I am looking forward to the week I am going
to spend in Stafford, there ten new people I have to meet, and who knows some
of them might be nice. It sucks that we are now a man down due to the lack of
Jon, but here is hoping it all gets sorted out and he joins us back on the team
soon.
I
am finally getting on with my NVQ, to which I am still looking to why it is
vocational. Its seeming to be more difficult than I thought but still well
within my ability, and a special thanks to Rebecca for showing me that website
with all the answers, was a real help. Even with the introduction of those two
extra units cause Accenture like to cry that they don’t think we have enough
work to do already, don’t get me started on Gary Marsh’s idea for CCNA...
So
that’s a more up to date view on what is going on. I shall trying to do this
more, I know that is seeming to be a theme in the last few in this blogodrome,
but I do really want to be more in the constant writing.
Later
Days...
When I went got to
the party
They gave me a forty
And I must have been thirsty
Cause I drank it so quickly
When I got to the bedroom
There was somebody waiting
And it isn't my fault
That the barbarian raped me
When I went to get tested
I brought along my best friend Melissa Mahoney, who had once been molested
And she knew how to get there
She knew all the nurses
They were all really friendly
But the test came up positive oh oh
I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh I just sent a letter in the mail...
When I got my abortion
I brought along my boyfriend
We got there an hour, before the appointment
And outside the building
There were all these annoying fundamentalist Christians
We tried to ignore them oh oh
I've had better days but I don't care
Oasis got my letter in the mail...
When vacation was over
The word was all over
That I was a crack whore
Melissa had told them
And so now we're not talking
Except we have tickets to see
Blur in October and I think we're still going oh oh
I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh I just got a letter in the mail...
Oasis sent a photograph
It's autographed and everything
Melissa's gonna wet herself I swear
Listening to: There Is A War Going On For Your Minds – Flobots
I have been meaning to continue doing this but just been putting it off for some reason or another. On the walk home today i just thought i needed to carry on. There been alot going on that i just not been talking about and should really just get it out. Even if it is only to a laptop, but still advicei give other people i probably should probably do myself to justify saying it.
So as of recently i feel completely lost. Must like the song i am listening to i feel there is a war going on for my mind. So many different areas seem to be preying on what little mind i have left. For one thing i am not having the monologue being as constant anymore, its now more of a conversation between two people. I dont know if this is a good thing or a bad thing but it is a thing no less.
I have been coming to terms with the last few months, alot has happened you see. Breaking up with *****, something that was very painful but it had to be done. She just wants right for me, we had a really great time and i dont regret any of it. Just that it wasnt an equal thing, all compromise was on my side. She may not have seen this and that is another of the problems. People often ask how long it takes to get over a relationship, i have heard half the time you were together, or a day for every week you were together. But personally i think it is when you find the next person who makes you able to care again. This is a stage i think i am near, i really hope i am as i dont like the way i am feeling at the moment.
I have also said things to people recently that i have regretted as they have lead to some bad experiences and i have also had some that i am glad i have said. But they are both types of things i will get through cause i like to think i am that sort of person. Losing old friends and making some new ones, its just part of life. Things we dont want and that are out of our control. There isnt alot i feel is out of our control, but there are just levels of control i feel we have.
I am being optimistic about the future, even with the things i find out that try to keep me down. Not going to let that stop me. This can be seen as a sort of freedom time. A time for change, cant you feel it in the air, or in the water. I do feel someone is slipping some change into the water.No noticable effects yet though but will keep you posted.
So yeah this blogging thing i feel is going to be back to a regular thing. Maybe even as often as it used to be back when i was in Bushey Hall. Who knows being in BT might make me have so many more stories. One development is that i have had my ERR signed off, so thats me having done 23% of my NVQ already.
And thats enough for this time, am sure there will be more to write after tomorrow nights Slipknot and Machine (Fucking) Head gig...
Later Days...
There's a war going on for your mind Media mavens mount surgical strikes from trapper keeper collages and online magazine racks Cover girl cutouts throw up pop-up ads Infecting victims with silicone shrapnel Worldwide passenger pigeons deploy paratroopers Now it's raining pornography Lovers take shelter Post-production debutantes pursue you in nascar chariots They construct ransom letters from biblical passages and bleed mascara into holy water supplies
There's a war going on for your mind Industry insiders slang test tube babies to corporate crackheads They flash logos and blast ghettos Their embroidered neckties say "stop snitchin'" Conscious rappers and whistleblowers get stitches made of acupuncture needles and marionette strings
There is a war going on for your mind Professional wrestlers and vice presidents want you to believe them The desert sky is their bluescreen They superimpose explosions They shout at you "Pay no attention to the men behind the barbed curtain" Nor the craters beneath the draped flags Those hoods are there for your protection And meteors these days are the size of corpses
There's a war going on for your mind We are the insurgents
I have wanted to get back into this for a while, and now it is like I have a reason. Workare wanting me to keep a log of what I do daily at BT so I guess writing a bit up each night will have me doing it like a pro.
But before I get to that there is a week in my life that has just gone, it has been full of highs and lows. The week started on Monday, as weeks oh so often tend to do. I had to turn up at BT bright and early at nine, and I did for once, but they still didn't let me into the building until half past. The previous week I had sat with Voice, Data and VOIP. So now the only place I can go is back with one of the previous. I am sat with Tash in the Voice section of the HBOS account in the happy knowledge of only being at work for half the day as Val said I can go early as I was off to Stone the next day.
The three hours went fast and I was out, ready and rearing for the night to come. Sure I had to be up stupidly early in the morning but I was going to have a great night out too. I had been in both minds about going out that night and in the end was talked into doing it.
Siege turned up at mine and we went on the facial book and MSN, but as each other. There was me talking to all these people she knew and I was bringing back the term homeslice. Graeme and Twinx were the best people talking to due to the confusion. Then ***** came on Siege's account and so I handed the keyboard over, that was one conversation I didn't want to have due to how she had been behaving. With all that over Graeme turned up and we left for town.
Town was a good night, Moon's was a laugh with Hurricane Hanna coming early as she spilled Graeme's pint over Debbie, twas a laugh. Then was off to Baraka and Area for a short amount of time as Graeme and I wanted to leave early as both had work in the morning. The walk home was found with the normal Chicken and a Biscuit, and chats of the normal things.
Tuesday was my trip to Stone; I got on a train and made it to Euston for 8:30. I was to meet someone from BT to get my ticket and catch a train around nine. Turns out the train was at ten and we all had to just wait for a long time. The time finally arrived and we all got on the train. I was saying to Dave how the train would go through the station I got on at (Watford Junction) and how I wish it stopped there so I could have just got on, and it did.
The week in Stone was mostly full of PowerPoints, drinking, more PowerPoints, laughs, some kid called Peter and finished up with a PowerPoint. On the way home I decided to get off at Watford Junction instead of going to Euston again.
Later that Friday night I had planned to go into Bushey to see the PC World night team, I was there early and met Siege. They arrived after and we had the same old time we normally had. Apart from not being able to stay as late as normal due to some odd people in the pub
Siege and Tony then came back to mine and we watched Love Guru. The following day we watched a few other films while mother and Derek went off to some Rugby thing at Twickers. They then wanted a lift from Druids, it was at this point that I felt really empty. There was no particular reason I just really felt lost. It was so bad that when I got in after I kinda did what I have witnessed other do and had ago at them for. Not as bad as them as I was only going through all the pictures of me on Facial Book, this then brought up the good and the bad times.
Sunday was much better as I met up with Hanna and we went for a drive about and a wanted in the Cassio. Cheered me up greatly, had some great chats and I have missed how much we used to hang out. To think I was cutting back on it because I thought it was a good thing, people just need to lean when to shut up.
Which brings us to the real reason behind this blog, today at work: I arrived in early to meet Zohaib and Zayd so to help Zayd into the building as he didn't have a manager. Zohaib was late so I took Zayd in. Finding my manager was our first step, having not met him myself this would be my first time. He however was still at home due to being jet lagged from his holiday. So it was back off to Val, Bill came to sign us in and I then spent the morning shadowing him.
Lunch came and Zayd and I went out for a smoke while waiting for Laura. She turned up and we finally got to see her C1 she has been on about, she drives like a menace. The car sounded like it was in pain, never heard such a rev before. With the amount of traffic we couldn't actually have a pub lunch so went back to the building to have some food. Luckily I had brought a packed lunch and so want charged a lot. The afternoon was once again with Bill and more Voice calls. It came to half three and Zayd and I left work, ready to do it all again tomorrow.
Later Days...
The road I walk is paved in gold To glorify my platinum soul I'll buy my way to talk to God So he can live with what I'm not.
The selfish blood runs through my veins I gave up everything for fame I am the life that you adore I feed the rich and fuck the poor.
I got, you want It's just, don't stop I got, you want It's just, don't stop.
This is entertainment Lies are entertainment You are down on your knees Begging me for more.
The road I walk is paved in gold To glorify my platinum soul I am the closest thing to God So worship me and never stop.
The rested blood runs through my veins I gave up everything for fame I am the life that you adore Now feed the rich, fuck the poor.
I got, you want It's just, don't stop I got, you want It's just, don't stop.
This is entertainment Lies are entertainment You are down on your knees Begging me for more.
Dear future, I bought you, I own the rights
To let go Destroy you This is my life.
Dear future, I bought you I own the rights,
To let go Destroy you This is my life....inside.....
I've got, you want This is, don't stop I've got, you want It just, don't stop.
This is entertainment Lies are entertainment You are down on your knees Begging me for more. (Begging me for more) Begging me for more.
(I've got, you want It's just, don't stop)
Currently listening to: Dont Stop Don't Stop By Innerpartysystem
You know when your disliked at work, when its your last day and the
card that has been bought for you to sign is still left on the cantine
table still in the plastic wrapping. This is even more hurtful when the
person who went out to buy it only did it cause they felt they had to,
not wanted to, and also didnt sign it themselves. A
guy had left PC World last week and he put up signs about when and
where his leaving do was. People turned up and it was a laugh, but the
guy who didnt even have his card signed, when he left he just tagged
along with the people who were going up town anyway. It wasnt really a
leaving do. Which most of he spent bitching about my line manager and
me. Apparently we are too sarcastic, it dont bother me. I not like the
guy from the begining as he was the person i had my interview with
almost two years ago and he wouldnt hire me because of my hair. But
then i got on the night team and i am so glad i not on days... So seeing as i didnt then... goodbye Edward Morris...
C'mon light the fuse,
Now he's rocking and he's ready to go,
Cuz now the countdown has started and he's ready to blow,
He's got the dope sounds pumping on the stereo,
He acts fast, putting on a show,
C'mon now get yourself together there's no time to rest,
And if you put the time in, he'll put ya to the test,
He's like a running man, in his world, war is less,
And if you wanna test him, best bring your best,
Don't make me spell it out, bring your best.
In this world (his world!)
Where life is strong,
In this world (his world!)
Life's an open book,
In this world (his world!)
Where compromise does not exist,
In his world, this world's every step, meets the rest.
In this world (his world!)
Where one is all,
In this world (his world!)
Never fear the fall,
In this world (his world!)
Where compromise does not exist,
In his world, this world's every step, meets the rest.
Running him back again, well what'd ya' expect,
Coming on and reach it out of ten, got a real rough track,
Flying out of her memory, he slaps on his shoes,
He's the best there ever was, haven't you heard the news
Intergalactic continental champ, running feets,
Hyperactive instrumental with, pulling strings,
He's the one who understands, when the tides will swing,
So he's breaking down doors, never following,
Come on and suck yourself up, cause it's time to play,
Bouncing with beats and the vibes, cause they're here to stay,
Come on and with the only member gone, now ripping the day,
Blowing up, coming back, it'll blow you away,
Because the pressures of this world, they can take their toll,
And now it's time to get away when they take their hold,
And the only way to break free is to break the mold,
You can't stop now,
Lock and load,
Don't you stop now,
Come on and rock and roll,
In this world (his world!) (Gotta make your own way)
Where I feel strong,
In this world (his world!) (Life is just a game you play)
Life's an open book,
In this world (his world!) (Running just to get away)
Where compromise does not exist,
In his world, the world's every step, meets the rest.
In this world (his world!) (Gotta make your own way)
Where one is all,
In this world (his world!) (Their isn't any get away)
Never fear the fall,
In this world (his world!) (Running just to get away)
Where compromise does not exist,
In his world, the world's every step, meets the rest.
C'mon light the fuse,
Now he's rocking and he's ready to go,
Cuz now the countdown has started and he's ready to blow, (Ready to blow)
(Where one is all)
Intergalactic continental champ, running feets,
Hyperactive instrumental with, pulling strings, (With it all)
Never fear the fall,
And the only way to break free is to break the mold,
You can't stop now,
Lock and load,
Don't you stop now,
Come on and Rock and roll.
It’s
been a long time since I have done this, which is strange when you look at it
three years ago where I was doing this almost every day. I suppose I have come
to a point where I got too much going on, it’s not where I would like to be but
it’s here never the less. The work load will soon slacken but that by no means
will amount to less being done, so I shall try my hardest for this to work.
I
am now in my third year of 6th form, which is soon coming to an end,
I have applied once again for British Telecommunications, and this is why I am
in 6th form again because I failed to get into BT last year. BT seem
reluctant to reply to my application so the University I got into last year I suppose
will have to be my back up. Joy the uni life only a year behind everyone else
that is going to be the thing that haunts me forever, though I suppose if Siege
gets in it will be nice to have a friendly face.
I
am coming soon to have been working at PC World for two years, stuck in a job
with no progression or chance of wage being upped. It’s like I am stuck in this
rut of a place I can’t be free of. There are just so many points in my life
where I want to go out and get shit faced like the people I know who were all
doing it every Monday night last year. But I seem to be too responsible for
that, I know sickening thought.
It’s
hard to explain this rooted feeling, so I will describe it so. In such I have
been hiding at Siege’s house for the past few days, why and what from I don’t
know but I just know I don’t like it here. I just want to completely unwind and
not feel stuck. Studio time that I had would allow me to scream at a lot
things, but they are not my words, even if they things I feel. It’s not how I said
it; those are yet to come and are not yet here due to the amount to do.
Fabric
on Friday is also meant to be a release, I don’t do this town thing so I thought
why not London. I am hoping it’s all I have been told it is and even more. The night
has been hyped so much I don’t want to be let down. But I expect to be so
everything is looking up.
With
the apparent studio time gone I am now seeing Ceyda, the light in the dark
room. She is one of the only smiles in my life, and I am so grateful for her. I
know I aint the model boyfriend a lot of the time but I do try and she makes me
so happy, I can only hope I can try and surmount to the same for her. If I not
at work or school, I am spending my little free time trying to do things for
her. Going to see her, taking her for meals, I do try hard. Like much of school
I am getting the price for effort but not achievement.
We
come down to friends; there have been ones I have had for a time that thanks to
things have changed. I used to see Twinx all the time at school. But of course,
now it’s only at some gig we happen to both go to, we did have good times at
the original gigs back at WRC. Scott I am only seeing at work, sure it’s all
the time and it is nice to see him, but I still do feel somehow distant. Graeme
I have begun to see less, I don’t know why though. We used to go for walks so
much over a year ago, we mapped out Croxley in a month. These days do seem so
far ago.
I
have gained though, we can’t lose without gaining. I have gained a, and my
Ceyda. I like to think of it as equalivance but that has been proven wrong so
many of a time. Tony I seem to have become closer too, once again I don’t know
why and this isn’t murder she wrong, let’s not dwell on the mystery. I am
thankful for what I have got.
So
still lost in the void I am searching for something I know not of... sigh...
these are much like the drivel of when I started. That’s kinda me at the moment
summed up. I will try and be productive tomorrow or when I next write, hey to
think you have fabric to hear about...
I
am signing off, later days...
Taking back,
overdone
Free and safely
Souvenirs, out of style
Right in front and right on
do it so, I'll be mad, you'll be gone
And I'm sad that you'll be gold upon
gold in my veins
tango with daddy and separate only
smile my only rights of passage
Only you, mark my words
upon the stage you strike off
to get engaged in California
And I'm sad that you'll be gold upon
gold in my veins
tango with daddy and separate only
smile my only rights of passage
Don't say that I'm the one you want to lose
Don't say that I'm the one you want to lose
I want to know
Don't say that I'm the one you want to lose
Don't say that I'm the one you want to lose
Don't say that I'm the one you want to lose
Don't say that I'm the one you want to lose
It
had just got to five and I realised I should eat before I left for town, so I put
a pasta in the microwave. Also I thought Graeme was arriving at six, I was very
far off. Graeme was not the first to arrive, at around 6:15 my door goes and
Ali is standing there. I greeted him by saying “Ali, when I said suit up I obviously
meant wear your work clothes.” This is down to him coming straight from work
and when asking me about what to expect from the night my only words of advice
were “Suit Up!”
So
Ali got changed and then I had to proceed to straighten his hair, he was
wearing a shirt and jeans, where as myself had actually suited up. Oh yes, I was
in a black shirt with the trousers of my suit and some nice shoes. Along with
my hair I was, from what Graeme kept telling me “hot”. So Graeme arrived and he
also had suited up, see I am glad that someone else grasps the concept. He also
did his hair; I mean what a bunch of girls... obviously my hair was already
done.
After
half a bottle of Aftershock we were ready to leave for town. We went to the
Shell to stock up on money, and then headed over to Ali’s car. We parked by the
peace hospice as so to be close to town but not have to pay. As we arrived I text
Roz to find out where she was, she happened to already be in Moons and had been
there for some time. As we got to the pub we could see them already, her, Dean
and Nat were sitting by the entrance. Roz was waiting on some food so Graeme,
Ali and I went off to get drink. Scott Cockfield was behind the bar and so I got
chatting to him for a bit, then he walked off and it took forever for us to get
out beers.
This
being the first of what I can see to be many “Bro’s Night Out” the night did
start off a little slow, but that is to be expected. I mean come on, Moons isn’t
a lively place, well priced but not lively. After some talking, reminiscing and
drinking we moved two doors down to Revolution, not before Craftying up. At
this point I see Hanna and Dom walking away from Moons probably to Reflex.
So
we get into Revolution and Ali is already chatting to the person behind the
bar. It’s Tam, not sure how Ali knew him but I recon he was just asking him
about his hair. To which Tam said he needed to add more hair spray to fix it so
it was more like that guy, who turned out to be me. We order the six shots for
six pound and not that I forced them but we ordered them as Big Apple, which
turned out to be the same as Apple Sourz which is good. Graeme and myself have
another one of them and order two Smir’ff’s. This is a genius drink, but for
the process of the night it was an awesome drink. It’s a Smirnoff Ice with some
blue dye in it, and it tasted legendary.
On
the way back from the toilet I bumped into Tam with a can of hair spray and
looking for a mirror. I asked him if he went to Download, a question I knew the
answer to but was trying to engage in conversation, to this you could see the
revelation in his eyes. “So that’s where I know you from, its been annoying me
all night!” Yes that is right, another person who does not know my name,
seriously I meet all these people at gigs or nights out and remember names and
faces, but me I just seem to phase into the abstract, maybe I should be more
sarcastic.
When
I got back to where we were sitting Roz and I started talking, due to the loud
music she misheard something I said and confused Siege with Ceyda. When I found
out what she had thought I heard back what I said from her point of view, her
expression was justified, but I re-explained everything to her. After another
round of Smir’ff’s we left and moved onto Reflex, well Ali, Graeme and myself
did, Roz, Nat and Dean went off to find Samira. She was a girl who was in my
year, one I didn’t know very well and don’t think I had ever spoken to.
Reflex
was very overpriced for an 80’s bar, something I now realise to be as I order a
bottled beer. The draft are cheaper despite getting more than a bottle, this is
down to them being able to control the volume of alcohol in draft beer. Reflex
had lots of Retro references all over the walls and you could order inflatable objects.
It also had a rotating dance floor, something to which I had heard before from
people in town and had imagined to be very different. I expected the floor to
rotate in a section, but this was a small podium that rotated.
Graeme
wanted to get out of Reflex and hit Area, an idea to which I and most of our
motley crew were into. But it was still only 10:15 and would not be worth going
to Area as it doesn’t get busy till 11:30, so instead we went to Chicago’s. I
had always thought the place to be a restaurant, but looking back now I was
thinking of that Mexican place. The bar was nice and I found Adam and David in
there which was nice. We had one in here and tried to move on to Area, but Natalie
had messed up and had the idea for Area wrong. She thought it was free entry
before 11, this was far from the truth. It was still five pound, now along with
the drinks in their being very expensive myself and so including Graeme didn’t have
enough to get in and drink. We let the other go on and we went to leave, but
instead of leaving us they tagged along. At this point we met up with Luke who
was going to go into Area and Ali was going to follow, a fool proof plan until
Luke proved to be a better fool and just walked off.
Plan
B, we go to Lloyds, which is called Columbian Press... Yeah, anyway this place
was more reasonably priced and so we all had a drink in here. Graeme and I were
in the mind set to leave after one and get some six for six Big Apples in. We
did so and people said they might see us later. Once again almost a fool proof
plan, but it seems Revolution was closed, which only really left Moons which
has 20mins left. The bouncers now drinking Coffee to keep them awake and so not
even caring to check my ID. Graeme and I settled down with our Fosters,
realising that this had been a great night, and Moons was by far the cheapest
so far, but that is true of any J.D. Whetherspoon’s.
Nat
and Ali appeared at the entrances and with help from me waving at them got them
inside, they were offering to pay for us into Area, something that would have
been nice but not really what was wanted. After I came back from the toilet
they were gone and Graeme and I went off to a chip shop to get our food on.
Walking
down Rickmansworth road with chips and some chicken is something I will keep
with me for along time, with the single crafty as we were saving some for
later.
When
we got to the Shell we stocked up on some chocolate and I bought a Relentless,
and we went back to mind for some good comedy. We watched ‘Make Love Not
Warcraft’, and I still stand by it being not that good of an episode of South Park.
Also the first episode of the 2nd series of IT Crowd, we had already seen it
but were that bored. We drank some Carlsberg and did some crafty’s, then it was
time for Graeme to leave, as it was late and I had a driving lesson in the morning...
Later
Days...
(Bring you down)
I... I feel alone (Feel alone)
Someone takes my picture
But never looks at me
In the eyes
You don't see me laughing
You don't
But I'll still be here waiting for you
I feel alive
You were my ecstasy
It's you that I'm craving
I feel alive
You were my energy
So why do you hate me?
(Oh bring you down)
I feel at home (feel at home)
Someone takes my feelings (takes my feelings)
Throws them all away
(No...)
You don't see me laughing
You don't
But I'll still be here waiting for you
I feel alive
You were my ecstasy it's you that I'm craving
(Bring you down)
I feel alive
You were my energy so why do you hate me?
(Bring you down)
Leave and take me with you (with you)
Take me
But I'll still be chasing you
Fa-st...
(Yeah... Yeah)
Chasing!
Faster!
(Yeah)
Leave and take me with you
Take me
But I'll still be chasing you
I feel alive
You were my ecstasy it's you that I'm craving
I feel alive
You were my energy so why do you hate me
I hold you close
Holding you close to me
You are my angel
I've lost control
You were my enemy
But now your my friend
